photo by steed media service

There are but three certainties in life, death, taxes, and Eddie Murphy playing all of the characters in his movies. Those events are virtually money in the bank … you can count on them, but what you can’t count on is completely comprehending the dos and don’ts of relationships. Love can be about as confusing as a Lauryn Hill post-Rohan Marley album. One of the primary factors contributing to the confusion is the laundry list of rules we choose to abide by. But now it’s time to challenge those archaic principles as we deconstruct three common relationship myths.

1. You’ll know right away when you’ve found “the one.” Perhaps Hollywood has glamorized the whole “love at first sight’’ concept. Now I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with spotting someone from across the room, and running towards them in slow motion while MC Hammer’s “Have You Seen Her” plays in the background. You just can’t fool yourself into believing that’s the only way to know you’ve found true love. Sometimes love can be slow to develop, like an unnamed three-hour drama (no I’m not referring to The Pursuit of Happyness — or am I?) But when you finally get into it — watch out. The embers of passion might burn brightly for a while, but they may eventually smolder and cool.

2. If I’m cheated on, it means they don’t love me anymore. There are many reasons that people cheat, and few of them have anything to do with the cheater’s partner. It’s a mistake to believe that if your partner cheats it means he or she doesn’t love you anymore. Chances are the person who strays is experiencing some other crisis, like midlife, fear of commitment, or some other internal conflict. While that doesn’t excuse the behavior, it should allow you to sleep better at night. Like the time I found out that Don King’s hair was already like that before my little Halloween prank; I finally stopped blaming myself for his problem, and so should you. They probably still love you — they just haven’t learned what loving someone really means.

3. If I find the perfect person, they’ll make me feel complete. You should never need anyone to complete you, that is unless you’re Lil Kim’s plastic surgeon. In all honesty though, only you can make your life complete. Your relationship should add a new dimension to your life, not define who you are. Once you learn to love yourself and live life to the fullest, then and only then, can you begin to truly appreciate what the other person brings to the table. - the fly guy

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